Adoption
by Anne Shirley Cullen
Summary: It's a Buffy and Twilight crossover. Renesmee is grown up and is entering high school. Leaving the Cullens in a bind.  It's completed. We are planning to do outtakes thought for it. It's
1. Adoption

**Disclaimer. Don't own Twilight or Buffy just thought it would be fun if they met in a realistic way. Please review.**

**Shout out to my friendβ:Peroxide for co-writing this with me. Check out her fanfiction page.  
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Adoption**

When the phone rang on Harmony's desk, it was three in the afternoon. "Hello, Wolfram and Hart. This is Harmony." came her usual over cheery tone.

"Will you please connect me to Liam?" Carlisle asked.

"Who? Like, um I think you, have the wrong number." She hated when people called her phone instead of the dry cleaning place that was just one digit off.

"Oh," Carlisle paused, and then heard Alice say, "Carlisle, she's kind of dumb; ask for Angel."

"Um, excuse me I can hear you. I'm not dumb. And, Angel's asleep."

Alice grab's the phone from Carlisle saying, "Sweetie, I know you're a little dumb. But it's okay, because you are really nice."

"Aah, thank you, he's still asleep. Can I ask you some screening questions?"

Carlisle whispers "Alice, I wasn't done with the phone." She hands it back to him whispering, "I could have told you he was sleeping."

"Yes, you may ask me some screening questions." Carlisle responded in a business like tone.

"Ok good. What is your name?"

"Carlisle Cullen."

"Ok… And are you alive or not alive?"

"I am a vampire, if that answers your question sufficiently."

"It does thank you, and are you a boy, girl, or like…gross?"

"Excuse me? I don't think I understand your question."

"You know…like a boyish girlish slimy whatever. Gross right?"

"I am male?"

"Ok good. um…where were we…"

Alice grabs the phone after seeing Carlisle's face. He looked as if Harmony was speaking gibberish.

"Oh yeah! Here we are… do you have any additional abilities or powers not associated with your being?"

"Yes. I can tell the future, well, as it relates to me anyway."

"Oh… Um… I though you were male…and like not gross."

"I am Alice, you were talking to Carlisle. He is a little behind the times."

"Oh well, since you can tell the future, can't you just like, tell me the answers to all the questions? I hate asking them all."

"Yes, yes, no, never, don't recall, yes, always, not since the last time, no, no, animals, not kittens, yes, yes, no, no, dismemberment and fire, no, no, yes, werewolves, no, sometimes, sparkle, yes like diamonds, no, mostly, always, yes, no, no, no, and absolutely not."

In the background Harmony could hear another male voice asking, "What are you talking about? Who are you talking to?"

"Excuse for one minute Harmony," Alice added. "It is for Carlisle. He needed some help for Renesmee's adoption papers. The secretary is kind of dumb so I am helping him."

"Oh. Great." Edward rolled his eyes, pinched his nose and said, "Just get it done Alice, alright?" He then ran his hand through his hair and left the room mumbling to himself.

"Can you please just wake him up?" Carlisle asked when he got the phone back from Alice.

"Yeah…Sure, I'll try." Harmony answered while walking to Angels room.


	2. Of Dogs and Family

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. I don't believe in it. People are not things to be owned. So there! ENJOY THE STORY! **

Of Dogs and Family

It took seventeen tries before Harmony started banging and yelling at the top of her lungs to get Angel awake to open his apartment door.

"WHAT!" Angel yelled opening the door in nothing but his P.J bottoms and his game face.

"Um…well…there is like a guy…and a girl…I think…on the phone for you…or well…um…he asked for Liam. Who do you think you are trying to scare with that face anyway huh? You aren't the only one here who has one." Harmony added with a head bob as she walked away.

Angel ran his hands through his hair and growled before heading back into his apartment to put on his usual garb. He called Harmony on his cell phone on his way to the elevator.

"Hello, Wolfram and Hart. This is Harmony." She was slightly less than cheery this time around.

"Its Angel Harmony. You and our surprise phone guest do realize it is three in the afternoon right?"

"He doesn't care Sr. I think it is urgent."

"Fine." he growled again. "Patch him through then if it is sooooo urgent." He waited for Harmony to change over the line. As the doors opened he was greeted by a much unwanted,

"Hey mate. Why are you up and about so early then?"

"Spike." Again with the growling, "Just who I didn't want to see. I'm up because I have important business to do. What about you? Just ridding the elevator up and down for fun?"

"Yeah. Thought I'd give it a go. You should join me. All work and no play makes for a dull poof."

"It is way to early for you and I to be in the same room together." Angel muttered as he stepped out of the elevator and into his office where Carlisle was on the line.

Spike yelled after, "I guess I finished riding by myself then!" The door closing on his face.

"Wolfram and Hart, this is Angel." He announced, as he got comfy in his chair.

"Good morning Liam, this is Carlisle Cullen from Italy."

"Oh. Carlisle Cullen. How are you?"

"I am well Liam and yourself?"

"I am good all things considered. How can I help you?"

"I need a legal document of adoption for a vampire child to her vampire parent."

"Ok. Well how about you and the parents and the child come here so I can get everything I need and we will have it all taken care of."

In the background Angel heard a female voice yell, "I am coming also Carlisle. I have some shopping to do!"

"Your lovely lady coming as well?" Angel said grinning.

"That would be Alice, who is not my lady, and yes she will be coming apparently. Which probably in all reality means the whole family will be coming. God help us, and yourself."

"What do you mean 'whole family'? I though you were a lone wolf type of guy?"

"Not anymore Liam. I have a wife and three daughters, three sons, a grandchild and a…dog."

"Will the dog be coming too then?"

"Most likely. He is very attached to my granddaughter. He goes where she goes."

"How sweet."

"You could call it that I guess."

Just then Spike busted into Angels office, pulling up and chair and putting his nineteen eighties combat boots up on his desk.

"So peaches, what's the big business? Some hair gel bandit came in the middle of the night and stole your goods? Any leads?" He then proceeded to check if his black nail polish was chipping.

"Spike! Get off my desk! How many time do I have to tell you!" Angel growled and stood up.

Carlisle on the phone heard the reply from Angel and asked, "Do you have a dog as well?"

"You could call him that I guess. See you in a couple of days then?"

"In approximately ten hours. Depending on how quickly Renesmee and Rosalie can get packed and ready."

"Alright old friend, I will see you then."

After hanging up the phone and knocked Spike's boots off the desk and commanded, "Go get Harmony to get the guest suites ready and then find somewhere to hide so you don't embarrass me."

"Sure thing Poofster. I'll get right on that. Oooooh Haaaaarm. I've got'a nice job for ya to do!" he called down the hall as he headed out of Angel's office.

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**AnneShirleyCullen + PEROXIDE = joyus fic perfection! **


	3. Honey, I'm Home

Honey I'm Home; my back's killing me.

After hearing Spike's voice, Harmony ducked under her desk pretending to search for something she'd lost.

"Harmony? I thought you we at your desk?" Spike questioned as he approaches Harmony desk.

"What the f!" Harmony yells smacking her head on the of her desk, "Owa."

"What are you doing under your desk?"

"I was looking for my contact that fell out."

"You're a bloody vampire, Harm. You don't wear contacts, love."

"Oh, Um…"

"Were you hiding from me?"

"Well, yeah."

"You're a bloody idiot. You know that? Angel has a job for you, you got to get the guest rooms ready for eight people in eight hours."

"What about you?'

"I got to bloody _HIDE _myself, so I don't embarrass the grand poofster while his friends are here."

"I'll be right on that." Spike walks away giggles at Harmony 's expense.

Nine and a half hour later, Carlisle rings the doorbell to Wolfram and Hart waiting for someone to open the door. Carlisle waits another two-minutes before ringing the doorbell again; he turns to his family and shrugs. Emmett off to the side is impatiently stomping his foot.

"Emmett, what is your problem?"

"Do you realize how long it's been since the last time I ate? Dad!"

"I know. But let's not think about it, right now."

"But, I'm _hungr-ry."_

At that, Carlisle ignores Emmett and ring's the doorbell once more. "So, Alice now where's the best place to shop at again? In L.A." Esme asked trying to distract everyone.

"Why. Rodeo Drive! Of course." Alice said sounding like Julia Roberts best friend in 'Pretty Woman'.

The door swung open as spike went to step through almost running into Carlisle. "Hello we're here to see…"Carlisle starts as Spike blatantly interrupted;

"Oh, you must be the blokes coming to visit, and the reason I am being kicked out. Cause apparently embarrassment to peaches and his whole brigade. Do have a nice time then; I probably won't be seeing you later."

Carlisle paused a minute, "Have a nice time yourself, I didn't catch your name."

"Oh, I'm Spike, Angel's pretty little love slave." The whole family turned to stare at Spike; as he swaggered down the stairs of Wolfram and Hart and getting onto his black Harley.

Out of nowhere Edward asked the family, "Why would some lie about something so strange?"

"Edward, homosexuality is a common practice in the states nowadays. You should not be so insensitive." Rosalie whispered it sternly. In which Edward turned to her with a dumbfounded look upon his face while running a hand though his hair.

Jasper starts snickering making Jacob laugh, who rarely ever saw Jasper laugh at all. Esme hearing both of them laughing at what she assumed was the word homosexuality, turned and chastised them "Aren't you two a little to old to be laughing at something like that." In turn, making them laugh even more.

"Hey, it's good to know that Jasper can laugh." Emmett responded and punching Jasper in the arm. Jasper started at Emmett from the corn of his eye in a brooding kind of way.

Finally after everyone stopped laughing, Bella asked Rosalie "Did you forget that Edward is a mind-reader?" Rosalie gives Bella the death glare wishing she had Jane's power.

Edward wrinkles his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose, and slightly shaking head. Bella sees the expression giggles and smack him on the butt. Edward, startled, looked at her sternly "Bella."

This made Alice laugh mockingly said "Yeah, Bella." Edward just growled.

"Com'on Esme, let's go ask for Liam." Carlisle wraps an arm around his wife leading her inside.

Emmett follows whispering into Rosalie's ear, "It's okay, I know you didn't forget." She smiles at him shyly.

Alice grabs hold of Jaspers shirt; who's standing with a distant look on his face, pulling him across the threshold. Telling Jasper, "You know Jasper, homosexuality isn't funny."

"It is where I come from." He said snickering once more, Alice puts her arm in his and leans her head on his shoulder. Giggles with him at they enter Wolfram and Heart.

Renesmee and Jake were next to enter into the doorway. Renesme, having seen her mom smack her dad in the rear said to him, "So what's up with my parents right?"

Then Jacob, laughing at her words said, "Yeah…I know." and put his hand around her waist.

Edward saw Jacob put his hand onto Renesmee and growled. "Jacob…" Jacob turned around and grinned sheepishly at him and then removed his hand and let Renesmee enter Wolfram and Hart first; like the gentleman he wasn't but Edward expected him to be.

"This is going to be a very long trip." Edward told Bella as he ran both hands through his hair. He then took a very deep, although unneeded, breath and exhaled before entering the building as well. As the doors closed behind them all, Spike said under his breath, "Me embarrass Angel? Not with this bunch. No they are a feisty few, that is for sure." As he drove off into the city of L.A. leaving nothing but exhaust smoke behind him


	4. The UVFree Fun House

_Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight, Angel, and Buffy. But give our thanks to SM and JW. The has been a change in scheduling this semester, new chapter will be started and hopefully finished to be posted on monday nights. For now on. Thanks for following us._

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The** **UV-Free Fun House**

As Carlisle and his family exit the elevator on the top floor, they were greeted with an overly perky "Welcome to Wolfram and Heart. How may I help you?"

"Hello, You must be Harmony? We talked over the phone last night. We're here to see Liam." Carlisle greeted.

"Who?"

"For Pete's Sake, Carlisle!" Alice exclaimed, stepping up to the desk. "He meant to say Angel."

"OH, Yes. You must be his 1 o'clock appointment. Cullen Family, Right?" Harmony asked in her usual chipper voice.

"Yes, that's right. I'm Carlisle." Continuing on with, "This is Esme my wife and my children; Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Bella, and my granddaughter Renesmee. She's the one the appointment is for."

"Hey, What I am? Invisible or something?" Jacob spoke up.

"Yeah Kibble!" Rosalie replied.

"Sorry, Jacob." Carlisle turned to Edward silently asking him; what Jacob should be introduced as.

"This is Jacob, a old family friend of ours." Edward spoke up, with his trademark smirk on his face.

All the time this was happening Alice turned to Jasper, and asked him if she was really that perky in the morning. Forgetting the fact that they themselves didn't need sleep. Renesmee started giggling, when she caught the look on her Uncle's face; debating how he was honestly going to answer Alice without getting himself killed.

"I would say you are as perky as the morning calls for darlin'." Was his very safe response; which made Renesmee laugh even harder.

"He will meet you in his office. If you all would follow me." As the Cullen's and Jacob followed Harmony's request, they got a very basic idea of the clientele wolfram and hart served.

At this Carlisle couldn't help but wondered how much of this the Volturi knew about and condoned. There were all types of undead walking the halls. From vengeance demons to fae and chaos demons, (which were about as foul as they came) it seemed everyone was there for a purpose and for the moments they were inside these walls, they were civil; Until Rosalie spotted the chaos demon that is.

"Carlisle what is that thing! That Is gross! And it smells worse than Jacob!" She mock whispered. But the demon heard her and turned around to confront her. In perfect time Angel appeared ushering them into his office and settling the offended demon with, "Relax Nigel, they're newcomers." All before closing the door and taking his seat.

"So. How can I help you all?"

"Yes, can you tell me why we aren't sparkling like diamonds?" Emmett spoke up before Carlisle had the chance to answer.

"Emmett!" Esme reprimanded.

"It's okay. Dear. I was wondering that myself. Also, to best of my knowledge, I thought you are allergic to the sunrays Liam, if I remember correctly?"

"Ok. See this is really cool," Angel got up and walked to the windows. "Wolfram and Hart's science and technology are far beyond anyone else. They have developed a glass that allows sun to hit your body but completely block out UV rays." Angel seemed very excited about the development.

"Those same UV rays that would cause my hot little bod to burst into dust." A thick English voice came from the doorway.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is an example of why it is important to close the door, and lock it." Angel said before sitting back down in his desk chair.

"You burst into dust?" Renesmee called from the pack of Cullen's.

"Yeah…don't you luv?" was the slightly sarcastic answer she got back.

"No. I just…shimmer…I guess…" She wasn't sure why she was embarrassed about that now. She hadn't been her whole life.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be here." Jacob's jealousy flared up at the way Spike was talking to Renesmee; and how she was responding.

"Don't worry your canine little soul about it wolf man. She's not my type, just making conversation. Can't help it if she likes _me_ though," He added with a wink in Renesmee's direction, "I am one sizzling specimen of a vampire." He finished his speech by plopping on one of the oversized couches in the office.

Alice burst out laughing while Jacob sneered in his direction and put his arm around Renesmee, simultaneously causing a growl in his direction from daddy vampire Edward Cullen.

"Where was the warning for him huh?" Jacob asked Edward.

"I read minds remember? Yours are the ones I'm worried about, not his." Edward smiled at Jacob, a creepy little smile Jacob thought.

"I like him." Alice and Emmett said in unison about Spike.

"Really?" Angel asked.

"You heard the people Angel. They like me." Spike gave the answer smugly.

"Oh boy." Angel said under his breath.

The door, still being open provided one more visitor to the bunch.

"You all sure have quite the family dynamic going on here." A soft male voice floated over from the open doorway.

"Oz!" Angel jumped up from his desk and darted to the door to meet him. "Where have you been? What have you been doing?"

"I've been soul searching. Not literally of course, sorry about that. I went back to college, studied psychology. Trying to live life without… well lets just say without. How about you?"

"Same thing I always do. 'Helping the helpless.' Just got a bigger office that's all. Welcome back man, really." Angel hugged him one more time before Oz walked back across the office.

"Sorry for interrupting your meeting." He politely apologized.

"Don't be. Harmony will set you up with a room." Angel straightened his shirt and sat back down. "I am so sorry for all the interruption Carlisle. Please, fill me in on your situation."

"Well, I think you might want to sit down. This could take a while." Carlisle responded.

"Alright, how about the conference room? It's big enough for all of us to sit at."

"Thank You." Carlisle said as he followed Angel into the conference room. Filing in behind them was the rest of Carlisle's family; taking their seats around the conference table.

Once everyone was settled in their seats. Angel reached over and pressed the button on the intercom, asking Harmony to come in.

"What's up, Boss?" Harmony asked as she entered the room.

"Could you get our guest, whatever they want?" Angel asked, then turned to Carlisle, "What would you like?"

Emmett pointed to Spike, and says to Angel "I'll have what he usually has."

"Can't guarantee you that it's the best choice. But, it's your choice." Angel replied.

"That's right it is my choice."


	5. The Long and Short of it

The Long and Short of It.

They sat there, looking at the many glasses of what could only be described as a variety of unknown blood like substances before Spike, being the go getter that he is grabbed his own up, switched into game face, and downed his. Emmett, knowing his was the same as Spike's, picked his up and downed it as well. Then as he was about to swallow the last gulp, Spike let out a tiny, "Meow." Emmett, being a quick witted as he was in the language of practical jokes knew right away what the subtle noise meant and spewed the feline blood all over the person sitting across form him. Which happened to be Bella. In her disgust she had a few exclamations to throw at Emmett as well as some of the artifacts found in the conference room.

"You dumb ass! Why would you drink anything this prick," She screamed while pointing at Spike, "told you to drink? I swear Emmett, sometimes you really are such an asshole!" All of which came out very quickly before she recomposed herself and took her place beside her flabbergasted husband. Edward, ever the gentleman assisted his wife in wiping the blood from her clothing and letting her know that it really wasn't fair of her to blame Emmett. When she replied to him with a stern look that meant if he didn't stop talking he would be sure to endure her own personal wrath, he subsided his attempts to rescue Emmett and decided he was a big boy and could handle it himself.

"Well that was quite a mouthful Mrs. Bella now wasn't it?" Jasper smirked as he looked at Bella with delight.

Angel cleared his throat and tried to get everyone back on track. "I believe that you all came here for legal assistance?"

Esme whispered harshly "Bella", to let her know that she didn't approve of Bella's choice of words.

Bella replied with, "No. It's Emmett's fault." Esme just glared at Bella for her show of disrespect.

"Yes, Angel. Thank you." Esme continued on as nothing happened. All the while, Bella had her head down staring at the floor in realization of her mistake. Mumbling to her self how it life wasn't fair.

Alice being the go-getter that she is, interrupted with "We need to get adoption papers filled out for my niece Renesmee. She is the love child of my dear bother Edward and his wife Bella, while Bella was still human."

"Lo…ve…Ch…i…ld." Edward choked on his words. So, disgusted and offended by her description of what he saw as such a beautiful gift of a daughter.

Carlisle seeing his chance stepped in saying, "To sum it up we need this to happen, in order to enroll Renesmee in school. So far, we have been home schooling her. But, it doesn't give her the opportunity to socialize with people of her time. It is important to us that Renesmee has time."

Carlisle pauses to take a breath, in which Renesmee speaks up with "I'm right here."

"Now, Renesmee. What have we said about interrupting?" Carlisle asked in his ever-calm voice.

"Not to." Nessie answers back, while rolling her eyes like her father. Finally, looking at the ceiling.

"If I may Carlisle?" Edward asked. Carlisle turned to Edward and nodded. "Angel, as my sister so kindly put it. Renesmee is Bella's and my biological child. Bella and I met, while we were attending Fork High School in Washington State. Bella was still human. We…" Edward tensed his jaw and searched for the right words. He continued with, "… came together, little did we know that it was possible for us to procreate. As a result, our daughter is here with us. Our problem is that Renesmee doesn't…"

Angel interrupts saying, "grow at a normal human rate."

"How did you…" Bella started, Edward finished with "know that?"

"I had a son." Angel explained. "His name was Conner."

"Was his mother also human?" Alice interrupted, now being interested in the conversation.

"No, she was my sire, my mother, my lover. Darla."

"You miss her?" Alice inquired while Jasper nods feeling Angel's deep pang of loss and a little bit of guilt.

"I don't. But Angelus does. A part of me is glad she is gone. Another part feels guilty for feeling that way. Always conflicted." He ends his explanation on a sad note. Jasper looks at Edward, knowing there is a similar feeling the two share, a sense of being lost, wanting something right, but knowing you are wrong for wanting it.

"Yeah. That's one way to put it. Always bloody brooding and frowny I'd say. Don't know how to let loose and enjoy the simple thing I life. Like super human strength for example, or being able to charm the sock off any girl you meet." Spike couldn't take the seriousness anymore.

"That is what I'm talking about!" Emmett exclaimed pointedly looking at Edward.

"Right Spike, because you've never been on the tormented side of getting your soul back? Or been so deep in it with a girl that you commissioned to have a robot made of her? C'mon Spike, you're 'Love's Bitch' remember? And you aren't fooling anybody." Angel was getting a little fed up with all of Spike's outbursts.

"Well now it is not very nice to air a blokes dirty laundry in front of strangers like that now is it Peaches? I'm gonna be mad at you for quite a bit over that one, you bet your ass I am!" Spike's embarrassment made Jasper choke on a laugh and Alice make a noise of exclamation at the image in her mind. All the while Edward made a face of disgust and seemed to be holding in the urge to vomit. Needless to say, Edward was not a fan of Spike or his treatment of women.

"I will get all of the paper work written up and it will be ready for review tomorrow. Harmony will show you to your rooms. We are experiencing a shortage at the moment so Jacob will be roomed with my old friend Oz. I'm sure they will find they have a lot in common." At that, Angel called Harmony and gave her the directions.

"Oh good!" Jacob exclaimed, "I was getting tired!"

"Wolves." Groaned Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett in unison.

**Disclaimer: We do not own them but give our thanks to their wonderful creators. Give us a shout out of what you think.**

**ASC+Peroxide= fun hilarious fan fiction. **_**Review**_


	6. Disneyland or Bust

Disclaimer: We love the characters, but do not wish to own them. They belong to S.M. and J.W, their respective creators.

**Disneyland or Bust.**

"Wow! This place has everything." Emmett exclaimed while exploring the room that Harmony had arranged for them, "I'm never goin' to leave, from here."

"But, Uncle Emmett" Renesmee whined, "You promise, you would take me to Disneyland." sounding like the young child she technically was.

"Uh," Emmett stalled, looking at Nessie who was starting to tear up and pout. "Uh, Okay. Maybe tomorrow we can?"

At this point, having finally helped Esme settle in putting their belongings away. Carlisle sat down next to his granddaughter giving her a hug, while looking sternly at Emmett. "Emmett, What were you thinking? Do you know, what California is also referred as?" Carlisle asked.

Emmett turned speechless searching for an answer that wouldn't get him in more trouble then he was. All the while, Edward was giggling at Emmett, whom having for once had to actually think about something before answering a question.

"I'll save you the time, and any brain cells you might have left." Carlisle responded to Emmett's distress. "It also known as the Sunshine state. You do know, what that implies?"

"Oh!" Emmett responded, as if a light bulb had turn on in his head. In response everyone started to laugh at Emmett's Expanse.

Alice came bounding into the sitting area, looking as if she just woken up from a deep slumber the after effect of having one of her visions. "We can go tomorrow. It will work; Anaheim will be covered in a thick layer of smog. I'll just go contact Harmony to buy glitter body spray, and purchase the tickets for us. I think, I'll also arrange for it to stay open for us after it closes at midnight. The lines won't be so crowded then, since Disneyland only let those who were in line before midnight on after they close. It should be fine." Alice said in one very long un-winded breath.

"Thanks, Alice." Bella replied sarcastically, "Just what I needed, Nessie being more spoiled that she already is. And, the consequence of that would be her not knowing when to stop, without understanding the word NO."

"Love, I would hate to tell you this. But, it's already a lots cause with Nessie. She has you wrapped around her little finger too. No matter, what you might believe." Edward answered with his crooked smile that always melts Bella cold heart.

"Yes! I have never been to Disneyland." Jacob cheered having heard the conversation from the hallway as he was on his way to the Cullen's Suite. "I totally dig this Oz friend of Angel. Oh, want to hear something cool?"

"NO!" All the Cullen boys yelled at Jacob in unison.

Having heard a knock on the door to the suite, Edward started towards the door. He took the break in conversation as an opportunity to remind everyone that they were here for a reason, and that reason was his daughter, not Disneyland. On the other side of the door was Angel and Edward asked him to come in.

"Ok guys, we are going to have a short discussion about this adoption in here because it kind of needs to be a little 'hush hush' you know?" There were a few confused faces around the room so he elaborated. "Renesmee is a child vampire. Some people may assume that she was turned as a child, and as you know Carlisle, this is frowned upon in both of our cultures. So I want to do this for you but it really needs to be out of the books. I know this is hard; I worried about it with my son. Thankfully he had more human traits so I didn't have to worry about this but unfortunately, you do Edward. At least until she is older, then you should be fine."

"You mean we still have to hide her? Even after all this?" Bella was visibly upset at the idea. Turning to her husband she added, "What is the point then Edward? Why are we even doing this?"

"I know this hard. I don't want to hide her. At least this way it is all legal. It is more for others who may want to do a little research. If anyone looks into our family we will be legitimate on paper. This will protect our family. It must be done." Edward channeled a little bit a Carlisle in his logical and understanding stance on the issue, making it impossible to go against him.

"Alright then," Bella growled out, "What do you need form us Angel?"

"Oh. Well…um…" He pulled out a huge envelope and handed it to them. "All this paper work. I know it is a lot, but you have time since you all will live forever. And after that I will need you three to head down to the lab where my associate Winifred will assist you in the next step you will take."

"Thank you Liam." Carlisle stood to shake then man's hand and show his gratitude.

"Any time Carlisle." And Angel left.

Bella started to pull out the paperwork and show Edward. "Well Emmett," Edward started, "You may get to go to Disney land after all because this will take us awhile."

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!" Emmett, Renesmee, and Jacob all jumped into the air and screamed in unison. Alice grabbed onto Jasper and giggled while he smiled and rolled his eyes in a very Edward like manner.


	7. DisneylandNOT!

**WE OWN NOTHING!**

*************Yeah! We're going to Disneyland…Not***************

"Now, Renesmee. I expect you to stick close to Jacob, and listen to what Uncle Jasper tells you to do." Edward spoke, while helping Renesmee get ready to go.

"Okay." Renesmee agreed timidly. "Dad, but I wanted you and mom to come too."

"I know, Mom and I will join you later. Right now, we're going to be busy filling out the information required for Angel to get the paper work in order. So, you'll have to be the big girl; I know you are and go with your Aunts and Uncles and Jacob. And, remember listen to your Uncle Jasper." Edward kissed Nessie on her forehead, passing her off to Bella.

"No, matter what your Uncle Emmett and Jacob, would want you to do." Bella finished while giving Renesmee a hug.

"We love you." Edward turned toward Jacob; "I better not hear in Emmett and yours' thought that you two took her on the 'Tower of Terror', or some other ride that not technically age appropriate for her."

"Yes, Edward. Whatever you say." Jacob replied, as he headed out the room with Renesmee.

With everyone gone Edward turned to Bella with a grim look on his face and said, "We best get started then right?"

"Yes I guess we had better." And at that Edward started with the first paper.

In the kitchenette that was a part of the Cullen suite Carlisle and Esme were leaning on the breakfast counter; Her on her forearms and he with his back to it on his elbows. Turning to his wife he ran a hand through her hair and smiled. "You seem worried."

"I am. A little. I know they aren't really our 'children' but sometimes, when they go through things this hard it feels like they are." Esme said with a sigh as she leaned into Carlisle's hand.

Edward was half way through the fourth page when the look crossed his face. A look that was a mix of disgust, surprise, and embarrassment all mixed with a hint of indecency. Bella, knowing his looks asked him what was wrong. His only response was to look in the direction of his parent's bedroom door and look as though he was going to vomit. Then taking Bella and the paperwork he headed out the door and to the lobby saying, "Perhaps they should like their privacy tonight."

Bella, still having her 21st century humor laughed and looked back at the door adding, "All right Carlisle!" to Edward's surprise and an eye roll. She laughed further and took his hand. "Oh c'mon. How do you think Renesmee got here huh? You aren't so proper as you come off you know."

"Bella." Edward both scolded and warned with a growl.

"I know…I know." was her response, accompanied by another giggle.

Getting out of the car in the parking lot of Disneyland the Cullen's and Jacob gathered themselves before entering the park. They were about to enter when they heard a commotion behind one of the tour buses. Alice poked Jasper and pointed to the area letting him know she wanted him to go check it out. He went of course accompanied by Emmett and Jacob. What he saw shocked him.

There was a vampire with a young girl caught between the bus and himself. He was going in for the kill until Jasper yelled at him. "Excuse me sir. You really shouldn't be doing that."

Emmett whispered into Jasper's ear, "This isn't our territory Jasper. We really don't have any say so here."

"No disrespect meant Emmett but I'll have say so wherever I feel to have say so." then to the vampire in question. "Let her go."

"Or what?" The vampire morphed into his S.V.F (sexy vampire forehead) and added, "You going to stop me, cowboy?"

"Oh GOD? What is wrong with his face?" Emmett looked at Jasper disgusted.

"Emmett, now's not the time to be racist." Jasper scolded as they heard Alice around the corner yelling, "Emmett!" with a surprised tone.

Just then the vampire took a swing at Jasper and Jasper grabbed the vamps hand and crushed the bones in his wrist with a sickening crack and a scream form the victim vamp. The human ran into the park. Suddenly Jasper's hold on the vamp loosened as the vamp bursted into dust revealing a petite blond in his place holding out a wooden stake.

"Well she is defiantly better looking than that ugly guy was." Jacob finally came into the conversation.

"Better looking than my niece? Which you are betrothed to in case you forgot." Jasper reminded Jacob with one raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"He is right though." Emmett added. There was a corresponding whack to the side of his head as Rosalie heard his confession. The small crack on his cheek a testimony to how hard he was hit. "Babe! I wasn't serious!" He called after her as she walked back behind Alice and got back into the car. He looked at Alice, who only crossed her arms and shook her head at him.

"Thank you kindly Ma'am. My name is Jasper Hale. Nice to meet you." Jasper kept the conversation safe, having learned form Emmett's mistakes and knowing his wife all to well.

"I'm Buffy."

"UGH! I had to go all the way to Italy to by that shirt and now look at it! It is covered with nasty powder!" Alice's main concern was Jasper's shirt.

Jacob walked over where Renesmee was standing and ushered her back into the car saying, "I have a feeling we aren't going to Disneyland anymore." She sighed but followed him anyway.

"Sorry. It is a nice shirt." Buffy responded. "You guys aren't from here are you?"

"No we aren't" Alice responded to her in a tone that had Jasper look at her knowingly as he saw her eyes glaze over. When she snapped out of it she added, "But we are staying with your friends."

"My friends? Which friends?" She was curious now.

"Friends at Wolfram and Hart. They are helping us with legal matters. You are welcome to ride back with us. You can sit in the front seat with me so the boys don't bother you." Alice took her by the arm and led her to the car.

Jasper followed behind with a worried look. He knew his wife all to well. Alice turned her head to look at him and blew him a kiss. He was worried even more then.

Thanks for reading! Tune in next week, and don't forget to REVIEW! 

AnneShirleyCullen & PEROXIDE


	8. An Unfriendly Reunion

Disclaimer: PEROXIDE and I don't own the characters and don't wish to. They belong to their famous invisionary creators.

**An Unfriendly Reunion**

"Oh, No! Alice!" Edward moaned. He had heard her coming into the lobby with the gang plus one in tow. He knew what was coming because Alice knew what was coming. And what was coming wasn't going to be pretty.

"What has she done this time?" Carlisle asked seeing the look on Edward's face.

"She brought a woman back with her. Her name is Buffy. Apparently she has had relations with both your friend Angel and his friend Spike. Only she seems to think that Spike is dead." Edward explained the circumstances the best he could without blushing over the content.

Just then all the Cullen's re-entered the room with Buffy following behind with Alice and Jasper taking up the tail.

Nessie ran through the door, and jump right into her dad's lap. "Hi, Daddy." Giving Edward a kiss on the cheek. "We didn't get to go in the park. But, they were selling snacks at the gate. Jacob bought me some cotton candy."

"He did Huh?" Edward responded accusingly.

"It wasn't like that man." Jacob rebutted with a huff.

"Sure it wasn't. You know I've been a man for a lot of years Jacob. I know how they think."

"God Edward! She's still a little girl!"

"Not for long though. Isn't that right, Jake?"

Jacob walked away with a humpf.

"You got to try some, Daddy." Nessie said, shoving a wad into her dad's face. Having ignored Jacob and her dad's conversation.

"No, thank you."

"But, it's really good."

"So, who's your friend Alice?" Edward asked.

"Buffy Summers. The vampire slayer." Carlisle responded.

"Good job Carlisle!" Alice was impressed that he knew who the woman was.

"Have we met?" Buffy asked him.

"No but I have known a few of your friends. I knew…"

"Carlisle? Why is your fly down!" Emmett was louder than needed and Carlisle was immediately embarrassed.

Bella raised her eyebrow to Emmett, "What do you think "

"Bella, please? Not in front of Renesmee."

"Oh! Alright Carlisle!" Emmett hooted.

"Funny, that's what Bella said." Esme piped in.

"Well, you're a beautiful woman, Mrs. Cullen." Bella replied to a blushing Esme.

"As I was saying, I knew your friends Liam and Giles."

"I don't think I know a Liam." Buffy replied questioningly.

"I think you call him Angel." Edward smiled. And then Renesmee shoved the cotton candy into his mouth.

"Renesmee Cullen! Your father told you very clearly that he didn't want any!"

"Sorry Daddy." Nessie sulked.

"I think I need to go and have a human moment." Edward ran to the bathroom and threw up the cotton candy as well as the blood he had ingested earlier that night.

"Oh. Forgot that was his name before he died." Buffy reminded herself.

"Buffy." Alice addressed her. "There is someone down stairs I think you should meet."

"Who?"

"It is a surprise. Come with me." Alice again left the room with a wink to her beloved.

They walked along the corridor and rode the elevator down to the ground floor of Wolfram and Hart with no words spoken. They walked into the conference room that was pitch black as the lights were off. Still no words were exchanged between the two women.

"Here we are. I'll leave you to it. I already know what happens." And with that Alice left.

Buffy walked into the dim room and looked around. She saw no one and wondered if perhaps the other woman wasn't a little crazy. She sat down in one of the chairs facing the windows. She needed a moment alone anyway. Her mind drifted to long passed blue eyes and the smell of cigarette smoke and leather. She wrapped her arms around herself and sank deeper into the chair. Staring out at the night she felt alone. All the potentials, her friends, her sister were all out there fighting the good fight and she had felt alone then. And she felt alone now. "Why did I even come here?" She asked the dark conference room. Again the smell of cigarettes and Leather filled her nostrils and it felt real this time. A small tear ran down her cheek. She turned to leave and noticed a shadow on the other side of the room; A painfully familiar shadow. "I'm seeing him now. Great. God! I thought this was supposed to get easier after a while not worse." She made to leave the room but the shadow moved.

"Buffy?" The shadow asked.

Upstairs Alice had returned to her family. Returned to inquisitive eyes.

"I did the right thing!" She told them all before taking a seat next to Jasper who put his arm around her.

"You sure did my love." He said before kissing the top of her head.


	9. An Unfriendly Reunion Part Duex

**Unfriendly Reunion Part Duex**

That night after everyone left, Edward and Bella, having put Nessie to sleep. Left her room, leaving them all alone; Bella asked, "Edward, are you sure? Alice and you aren't related?"

"Why do you ask Bella?"

"Did you not notice, how your daughter entered the suite?"

"I noticed. And, yes I'm sure Alice and I aren't related." Edward replied in all seriousness.

"Really?"

"Yes. But, from what I saw when we visited your mother. I believe that Nessie might have inherited some traits from your mom." He confessed with a sly smirk.

"So you are saying she is obnoxious from my genes? Is that right?" She was feeling a little defensive now. Neither Bella Cullen nor Bella Swan were obnoxious. Well, unless you count that time that Edward left Forks…she had gotten a little obnoxious then.

"Maybe it is from your genes Mr. Maybe you don't know how human Edward would have behaved in the 21st Century so you really have no basis for comparison!"

He could tell she was heated now. He really hadn't meant to tease he that much. It was just to much irresistible fun to see her annoyed. He pulled her to him and chuckled rolling his eyes.

"I love you Bella, but you are just to easy to bug you know that?" She squeezed him back and laughed with him.

Jasper and Alice sat on their bed. Jasper held Alice in his arms as she worried. He ran his hands through her hair and tried projecting feelings of calm into her.

"I know I did the right thing, but I also know that some pain will come from it. Sometimes it is so hard to do that right thing you know?" She asked looking up to him. He smiled down at her and nodded.

"Yes darlin' I know exactly how that feels." He held her closer and kissed her on top of her head.

From the other room they could hear Emmett, Rosalie, Jacob, and Renesmee in the other room watching Being Human the old BBC show. Emmett chose the show as an opportunity to tease Jacob. "It's just like you hanging with us man. We are like the doggie daycare!" Upon which Jacob pushed him and the whole lot burst into laughter.

Buffy was silent for what seemed like eternity. Staring at the shadow shaking. "You're not really here. I'm imagining you again." She took a deep breath and made a motion towards the door. Before she could get there he stepped forward out of the shadows. "Please just stop." Her voice cracked. "Just need you to stop…Please go just go away." Maybe if she covered her eyes and counted to ten it will go a way. " One…Two…Three…Four…Five" She took a shaky breath. "Six…Seven…Eight…Nine…" She took one more breath and then. "Ten." She open her eyes. "Oh god. She covered her mouth and a tear rolled down her face.

"Buffy. She heard him say once more as he stepped forward. "Luv, I'm here. This isn't in you're head." He reached out and touched her shoulder. She moved away. Another tear rolled down her face.

"Buffy please…" He begged her to acknowledge him.

"No." She wiped her tears away. And stood strong before him. Every inch the slayer she was. "Don't you touch me."

"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain luv I…" But she was cut off.

"You didn't call me! You didn't tell me! You said you loved me! How could you do this to me! I can't even…" She was shaking with anger now as she stepped up to him and punched him right in the nose as he went flying through the conference room wall. She followed him through and kept punching his face and he did nothing to stop her.

Hearing the commotion downstairs Carlisle, Esme, and Edward came running to see what was happening. Alice still in Jaspers arms made a wounded noise as she heard the commotion knowing what was the cause.

Jacob and the rest just kept on watching the show. Edward had Bella stay upstairs because Buffy by this time was bleeding profusely and slayer blood, according to Carlisle was quite tantalizing.

"Edward, get Spike out. Esme, will you go up and get my bag please." Carlisle automatically went into his Doctor mode. Taking a really deep breath, just to calm his nerves turned to Buffy. "Alright, now Miss Summers. Let me take a look of that hand of yours."

"Don't, you mean my hands. Oh, yeah let's not forget my wrists, arms. And, I think I might have broke a toe or two." Buffy replied.

Carlisle just shook his head and laughed at her reaction. Buffy looked at him quizzically. "Well, I must admit you're not the only woman I know that has the tendency to assault the male in any species. And, I did catch that last blow. I figured you might have broken a toe."

At, this Esme returned with Carlisle bag giggling; having heard the last part of the conversation. She also remembered when Bella accidently hurt Seth in the process of attacking Jacob.

"I guarantee you that my situation is definitely not as funny."

"So, why don't you tell us about it?" Esme offered, while handing Carlisle the bottle of peroxide and gauze.

Edward pulled Spike with him, grunted "Where to?"

"The Basement." Spike barked back.

Edward walked to the elevator and pressed the button. All the while, that they were waiting for it. He in turn was getting more annoyed with Spike and was wishing he could turn off his gift, or even have Bella to shield him from Spikes thoughts. Finally, the bell ding and the arrow lit up indicating the elevator that take, them to the basement. Edward shoved Spike into the back wall, leaving Spike dazed and confused. Then he hit the button with B for the basement.

"I'm not up for a therapy session ole chap." Spike began with sarcasm.

"Well that's good because I'm not up to giving one tonight." Edward was tired of this guy already. And his non-stop self-loathing thoughts were not helping.

_I deserved it. Anything she gives me I deserve it all. Should go back up there and let her have another go at it. _

"Ok. Really you are an idiot. And you must have a name other than Spike because that is just ridiculous and I refuse to call you that." Edward let out some steam.

"Well then, what crawled into your panties and died? I have no other name. Sorry for the disappointment."

"So your mother named you Spike when you were born then? Was she a raving lunatic as well? Because you are defiantly that."

"No my mother did not give me that name. And maybe I am a little crazy. But you aren't any better. All composed and righteous. Remind me a suspicious amount like the nancy boy who runs this place. Edward is it? Sounds like a nancy boy name to me."

"And yet you still resist telling me yours? I could just get it from you but I'm trying very hard to remain polite."

"Fine. William the Bloody. That's my name then IF you don't like Spike. Those are your choices. Make your pick."

"Are these supposed to be scary names? Like the fangs, super strength, and general undead nature doesn't do enough?"

"They are given names you stupid sod; William the bloody because I murdered millions in England and Spike because I was known for doing said killing with an old-fashioned rail spike. My mother named me William. But it happens to be just as stupid as Edward so I prefer not to be called by it."

"Well William it will be then. Now why are you being such an idiot when it comes to this girl anyway William? You love her, she loves you, so why are you being so stubborn."

Spike walked away from the elevator and headed towards the rows of hot rods and new sports cars that took up the basement floor. "I told you mate, I wasn't down here for a therapy session and I meant it." He swaggered over to a silver Porsche, hopped over the door of the convertible and sank into the drivers seat. Getting blood all over the seat. "Ruining Peaches prized possessions are therapy enough for me Eddy my man."

"Don't ever call me that again."


	10. Kidnapping is a Felony

**Temporary Rating is claimer. We have it at T for language, however I want to say that this chapter I want to put M because of the use of the F word.**

* * *

Kidnapping is a Felony

Edward hopped into the car with Spike and asked him, "So what is the history between you two then?"

Spike hotwired the car and put it into gear. Looking back at Edward he said "Eddy mate, it is a long story and to be quite honest it isn't one I'm telling you until we are both utterly and completely drunk so that I haven't got any dignity left before letting you know about the lowest parts of my life." And with that he sped off out of the garage.

"You know this is kidnapping right. Kidnapping is a federal offense. You know I have a police official as a father in law." Edward told him with an heir of sarcasm. "Also. If you refer to your time with a woman as the 'lowest part of my life' then there is something wrong."

"You have no idea what you are talking about. You and your frilly little relationship with your wife would never understand what happened between me and Buffy. So, we are going to get very drunk and then you are going to listen to me complain. And then we are probably going to get into a fight with some demons or other vampires. Kill them and then feel better. Ok?"

After the long rant from Spike Edward was silently laughing to himself and wondering what he had gotten himself into.

"Okay, Buffy, Let's check that foot of yours." Carlisle said as he bent down to examine it. " I will go find Liam, to ask him if it will be alright to use Wolfram and Harts medical facility."

"Don't bother, Mr. Cullen. I had worse. In fact, I actually died twice."

" Nevermind, with calling me Mr. Cullen. Just call me, Carlisle." Carlisle subtly corrected Buffy, " Well, would you just let me set your broken toe and wrap it with some medical tape?"

"Sure, that's fine Mister… uh Carlisle." Just as Buffy finished what she was saying, Bella came busting in.

"Carlisle! Have you seen… Oh, Sorry" Bella apologized having noticed that she had interrupted.

"No, apologies necessary Bella. We were just finishing up here. So, what was it that you were going to ask me?"

"Oh, just that. Have you seen Edward?"

"No, the last I saw of Edward. Was that, he was dragging that psychopath towards the elevator." Carlisle replied matter-of-factly.

"Hey, don't call him that." Buffy reprimanded.

"I apologize. I thought you did not like Spike."

"Well you thought wrong. It is complicated, but I love him you know?" Buffy said with tears on her bottom eyelids.

"Well that sounds familiar." Bella said under her breath.

"Well they are going to a bar if I know Spike." Buffy announced.

"Better to get Jasper to handle this one." Carlisle stated.

"Yes. That's sounds like good plan." Bella agreed.

"Carlisle, Alice said that you needed me. What is it, you want?" Jasper asked while entering the room. "Excuse me, for a second." Stepping back out of Angel's office, having smelt the traces of blood that remained in the room.

"It's alright Jasper. Will you please take Emmett and Jacob with you, and go find out where Spike and Edward went to?"

"Yes, sir. So, where would Spike usually hang out?"

" Oh, he usually hangs out at the lowest of low dive bars."

"Well alright, where do we find one of those?" Jasper asked.

"It is a little more complicated than that though. See he goes to demon bars."

Just then another person walked into the room clearing his throat. "I know where to find them. He always goes to the same place. He is always in my car too. I can bet you that it won't come back in good condition either. It never does." Angel smiled sadly at Buffy knowingly. "I'll go with you guys. I usually go get him anyway. Been going to the same place since we found Buffy in Rome. Sometimes he has a hard time with things. So I'll go with you guys. He will need some family." Angel looked to Carlisle knowing that he would understand his feelings as a father.

"Alright then you all should go. Bella take Buffy up to Alice and make sure she heals well."

Bella nodded and escorted Buffy up to Alice. Angel rallied the boys together and they headed down to the garage. Jasper and Emmett arguing over who is going to drive and having Angel jump into the driver's seat and giving them a "tsk tsk" look. Angel put the car in gear and with a glance into the rear view mirror he asked Jacob, "Why are you so quiet tonight then?"

"I don't really have much to say I guess."

"Well why not? You usually have some comment from the peanut gallery."

They drove until they arrived in front of what looked like a broken down warehouse. They parked the car and went inside. They could hear Edward laughing form the door. When they saw him, they were surprised by the sight before them. He and Spike as well as an array of other demons were playing kitten poker.

"What the hell, is wrong with Edward?" Jacob asked, having finally regain his cognitive skills.

"Yeah, Edward! What the hell is wrong with you?" Emmett spoke up.

"Yo! My Bros! Where the god fucking damn, have y'all been?" Edward uncharacteristically called out, from the effect of totally being wasted.

"Hey, what's the opening bid? I'm in." Emmett called out.

"We're playing for Kittens. You can join us if you can find any?" Spike replied.

"Here's one grand. I think that should cover it."

"Emmett, where not here to play poker?" Jasper reprimanded, "Carlisle sent us here to find Edward and bring him back to the suites."

"Jasper, dude. You know how long I've been waiting for Edward to do something stupid like this."

"I do." Edward interrupted, "He's been waiting 76 years, 912 months, and 27,740 days. And, assss for you, dog! I got some issues with you, and your very ssssick thoughtsssss about my baybee, girrrllll. Sheeeee is juust a baaaybee! Myyy baabee!"

"Edward, I think that that is enough." Jasper tried to pull him out of his seat.

"NO! Weee are nott done yeett!" Edward spat out!

"Oh, Com'on Jasper. I'm on a roll here." Emmett yelled, over his shoulder.

Jacob looked over to where Emmett had joined in, and noticed that he had won back his one thousand dollar opening bid. There were a hundred kittens in a variety on boxes sitting on the table in front of Emmett. He wished he had a video recorder to film Edward. It would be fun to show the pack back in La Push. They wouldn't believe him if he told them so. He just had to keep this going.

"Why don't we just join him and then when he decides he is done, we take him home."

And with that they all decided to sit down and Spike ordered a round for all of them.

**Hope you all enjoy.**

**Like always we don't own these beloved characters. But, we do know them well.**

**Your fellow fanfic fans,**

**Anne Shirley Cullen and Peroxide.**


	11. Pity Parties

**Disclaimer: We do not own the characters of buffy/angel/twilight.**

**Pity Parties!**

Around the poker table there were now plenty of broken bottles and spilt liquor along with some wet cats and lots of money. The Cullens, having no kittens to bet had used money, seeing as they had plenty of that. The commotion that had gone around the table while pounding the first couple of shots had subsided to a dull hum of some self pity and along with a bit of somewhat boisterous drunk advice form new friends.

"So then she tells me that she's pregnant. I mean really? Pregnant? I am vampire for crying out loud. Who would have thought a vampire needed to wear protection? So then I got to go through the period of mood swings and all that. Eternal life is supposed to be this unchanging thing. Frozen in time and all that nonsense right?" Edward, now so drunk that he had no filter form his thoughts to his words, rambled on about all the "hard times" he and Bella had shared that made love so "unbearable". Unknowing that sitting around the table with him was a handful of men who could tell him exactly what unbearable love was like…and then some.

"Listen to me Eddy. I have a long history of loving and being drug along. You sir have no idea what hard love is. Your pretty little thing that you have waiting for you with glowing love in her undying eyes every time you go home is the furthest thing from hard love anyone on either side of eternity will ever experience. try having the girl you have loved for centuries sleep with your dad, for all intents and purposes here, and then when you try to gain her back, she runs off with a chaos demon. You've seen them right? A chaos demon? Disgusting bugger they are." Spike finished his rant with another shot and a bet that no one was really paying attention to anymore. The kittens had long since run out and their opponents had vacated the table as soon as love was brought on as the topic of discussion. Emmett and Jasper, who had both been silent as Edward rambled on and had listened with rapture as Spike told of his in and out love affair with Druscilla now decided it was time to speak up. At the same time, which came out more like, "HmBleck Love." They looked at each other and the look that Jasper gave Emmett forced Emmett to let Jasper have to go ahead.

"Maria, the previous love of my un-life, was just about that bad. She however didn't wind up sleeping with her maker. No, she slept with a newborn. One I had spent countless hours training and had come to almost care for; had I been allowed to care for anyone. They were tangled up together in a barn we had been using at the time. I found them on the exact spot I had executed a few newborns earlier that day. She had told me that she loved and after I killed about thirteen soldiers on that exact spot. And then she was loving someone else at the scene of my crimes. Even after that I stayed. I killed the newborn she'd been with the next day. But I stilled stayed." Emmett put his had on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper looked at Emmet and nodded adding, "But now I have Alice. Ain't nothing better than that. I'd go through all of it again just because it all lead me to Alice."

The table was quiet for awhile before Spike spoke again.

"Buffy, you know the one who almost killed me in the hall at Angle's place? She is the slayer. So naturally when we first met we were enemies. Then she got this GI Joes type boyfriend. Captain Cardboard in the flesh. He and his experimenting yahoos drugged me and put a chip in my head so as to keep me from killing or hurting humans. I went to her for help and ended up fighting along side her and falling in love with her all at the same time. She said I was nothing but a monster and never would be anything more. But I loved her anyway. Endlessly and selflessly and all that cliché crap. All true too. Then she up and died on me. Thought that was the worse pain I would ever go through. Didn't know if I was going to live through it. But then Red, the gay witch brought her back. But she wasn't right so she jumped me one day and then we started banging and shagging and all that glorious mess for a few months. I'd tell her I loved her and she'd punch me and then we'd be at it like rabbits. Wasn't what I wanted, but I'd take what I could get. Then she called it off. Said I was killing her. I went crazy. Lost control. I broke into her home and tried to rape her in her own bathroom. Hurt her real bad I did. I left then. Had to make it right. Fought and got my soul only to go crazy again. Still wasn't good enough though was I? Of course not! Because I'm not bloody Peaches, King of the bloody Poofsters. So then I go and die to save human race and all the puppies too and she said to me, 'I love you' as I burn up in the sunlight. So to deserve her I gotta die. I was at peace with that. While I'm dead she can love me. Then I come back so now I don't even have that. How was I supposed to tell her I'm alive when I had to die to earn her love in the first place? Tell me the answer to that riddle oh wise and evolved ones." Spike again finished with a shot and a slammed fist on the table.

"Well." Emmet interrupted the self pity party. "It sounds to me like you guys had some pretty sucky luck when it came to women. I sure am glad I found Rosalie when I did so I didn't have to go through any of that!" He laughed and looked to Jacob to back him up, but got nothing but a swift whack on the back of his head form Jasper. That did however earn a laugh from the lyco at the table.

"I waited for Bella for ninety years! And then, after all that time, she gets pregnant!" His head fell onto the table from exhaustion.

"Are you seriously regretting Nessie? Are you going to sit there and tell me that after all the crap that went on between us over Bella and now all the crap that I put up with from you being over protective that you are really going to sit here and suggest you regret Nessie? I can't believe you! You are such a hypocrite!" Jacob stood and yelled over the table at Edward. He was the only one not drunk as his metabolism wouldn't let him get there.

"You don't have any business with me or my family _Jake_. You don't have any insight, perspective or say so. You aren't going near my daughter any more than you went near her mother! My family is exactly that. _Mine._ William, I believe our _therapy_ session is over and I think we should be going." He stood with this last comment and walked outside followed by Spike with a, "Well, that was quite entertaining if nothing else." comment and a cigarette to go with it. They got into the car, leaving the rest of the Cullens to their own way back to Wolfram and Hart.

**Sorry for the language and the Angst. Next chappie will be a little more upbeat.**

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! **

**Be Seein' ya**

**PEROXIDE & Anne Shirley Cullen**


	12. Hormones and Growing Up

**Disclaimer: We love every character of Buffy/Angel/Twilight and don't wish to**

**own them they belong to their creators S.M. and J.W.**

**PEROXIDE just bought a new house and has been moving in and this is the first time we could update. Also, WARNING: MENSTRAL CYCLE CONTENT AHEAD for all the male readers out there. **

**Hormones and Growing Up**

"Mommy!" Renesmee yelled out of fright, knowing that even if she whispered Bella would hear her. "Mommy! Mom! Momma!" Renesmee's looks down and becomes more frightened and calls out again. This time adding "Mommy, Auntie Alice, Aunt Rosie! Come quick!"

"What is it, Renesmee?" Bella asked and was instantly by Nessie's side. Followed by Alice and Rosalie, all managing to have crowded around Renesmee who was standing naked in the shower.

"I think I'm hurt. My tummy and back hurts. Maybe on the inside." Nessie say's then starts screaming in pain; as a wave of cramps hits her, she clutches her throat in the process. Bella, Alice, and Rosalie this time looked down noticing the trail of blood running down between Renesmee's legs.

"Oh Nessie, you're not my baby or little girl anymore." Bella cooed/whined.

"What? What do you mean I'm not your little girl?"

"Renesmee, I think you just got your period." Renesmee's Aunt Rosalie whispered, scared of having to use her air and attacking her niece in the process.

"Alice, go to Buffy and see if she has any maxi pads or tampons that Nessie can use. For now until, I can go to the Wal-Mart or CVS to buy some." Bella ask.

* * *

Alice walked into the main office, was greeted by an overly cheerful "How may I help you?"

"Do you have tampons or pads?" Alice replied.

"No!" Harmony asked stunned.

"Then, You can't help me." Alice went on to say, "Where is Buffy by the way?"

"Still in Angels office."

"Thanks." Alice walked over to Angel's calling out, "Buffy, Do you have any tampons?"

Buffy greets Alice at the door; asking, "Why do you need them?"

"For a menstrual cycle."

"Well, obviously it's not yours. So, I repeat why do you need them?"

"Renesmee unexpectedly started today. She's standing in the shower bleeding on herself at this very moment. Now stop being stingy." Alice grabs Buffy's hand and purse, starts to drag her back to the elevator heading up to the suite.

* * *

"We're back." Alice announced her return with a sarcastic smile knowing what was coming.

"Oh good did you bring what I asked for?" Bella asked in all seriousness.

"Yup," Buffy answered reaching in her purse and digging for a tampon. After awhile of digging and annoyed stares from the other women in the room Buffy finally stopped digging. "Aha! I found it!" She exclaimed pulling out a stake and laughing. All the other women stopped and stared at her and gasped. "It'll stop the bleeding." There was an awkward silence. "Sorry. Slayer humor. Here you go." She said handing Renesmee a tampon. Rosalie suddenly became very interested in the whole ordeal.

"What is that? In my day we had a piece of cloth. Would you mind if I stuck around and watched? I'm very interested," She got closer to the tampon and Renesmee.

"No Rosalie. It would be better if you didn't." Bella gave her a stern look and she huffed and puffed her way out of the door and slammed it so hard the door frame cracked and they felt her stomp all the way down the hall.

"Anyway Nessie, I'm going to show you how this works.

Buffy was in the hallway with Alice and Alice asked her, "So how did your talk with your lover go?"

"How do you think it went? I got broken bones, he got broken bones. Now he's at a bar getting pissed."

"It went well then? Isn't that how you guys always communicated?"

"Well, yes but that doesn't make it healthy."

"What is healthy for the rest of society is rarely what is healthy for us. Do you think and Me and Jasper or any of the others communicate in a way that is considered healthy by humans?"

"But I am a human though…"

"Not really, you are more like us than you are like them. So it applies to you as well."

Buffy was about to respond when in through the door crashed a heard of drunk vampire men falling out the the elevator followed by a hysterical Jacob Black.


	13. Love and Loathing

**Disclaimer:Hey Everyone! PEROXIDE is moved into her new house and we up again up and running! YAY! Sorry for the delays! Thanks to the wonderful creators Stephenie Meyer and Joss Whedon**

Love and Loathing

" I tried to get them to leave before it got this bad. I swear! I would have called Bella but I didn't want to worry her! Oh God Alice! I don't know what to do with them. They are like a thousand times worse than they usually are! Help me. C'mon you gotta help me!" Jacob's face was red and he seemed even hotter in temperature than usual. He was speaking so fast that Alice could barely understand him. And Buffy stood there in a stupor. Then all the guys started yelling all at once.

"You stupid…"

"And she didn't even…"

"For forty years I didn't once…"

"I knew she was lying…"

"Mind reading piece of…"

"Saw it in her face I did!"

"You knew all along and you didn't even…"

"STOP!" Came Alice's voice above the drunken chatter. They all quieted and turned to look at her dumbfounded.

"Hello honeysuckle. You sure are looking mighty fine." Jasper slurred with a crooked smile.

"Thank you Jasper. But right now is not the time. Understand?" She responded sweetly but stern enough to wipe the smile off his face. "Now. All of you need to stand up straight and wipe the silly looks of your faces. You have women and families here that have been worried and angry at your departure. So sober up and man up. I mean it." Alice looked at all of them with a serious face.

"What is that smell?" Came the voice of Jacob from the side of the room. He was sniffing along the room and approached Buffy sniffing her as well. "Is it you?" he asked in a strange voice.

"No. I smell like me and if that is really what you are smelling and it is causing you to make that face then I think I may have to punch you…a few times." He stopped sniffing and looked at the elevator.

"Renesmee. I should have known it was her. She has come of age." As soon as the last word came out of his mouth he felt something hard hit him in the back of the head and then he blacked out.

"Great." Said Alice sarcastically, "What are we going to tell Bella and Nessie?"

"Eddy, that seemed a little extreme mate, even to me. And I am William the Bloody. He was just a boy at best." Spike butted in pulling Edward back from Jake's limp body.

"You better hope for your own sake he is still alive." Emmett blurted out snickering. "Your women would not be to happy if he wasn't"

"You don't think I know that Emmett? He is still here. I can hear his disgusting dreams at this very moment. It's enough to make me not care if he was or wasn't breathing." Edward was getting angrier and angrier by the moment.

"You should go upstairs and see your wife." Buffy suggested not wanting to see the situation get any uglier.

Edward started to head up stairs and Spike and Emmett followed. "No. Spike you need to stay down here." Came Alice's commanding tone once again. He did as commanded and Edward and Emmett continued up the stairs. Jasper was turning Jacob in an attempt to gather him up and carry him to a bed somewhere. Alice nodded approval to him letting him know that she thought he was doing the right thing.

"Right then, I'll just head off somewhere else then, not really looking forward to another beating if you don't mind." Spike dropped his head and swaggered off in the other direction.

Alice bumped Buffy in the arm not subtly. "You should stop him."

Buffy shot Alice a glare and responded, "Why would I?"

"Because you love him." Alice replied simply with a bounce and a smile and then followed Jasper to help with the unconscious wolf boy.

"Spike." Buffy said quietly and he turned around. She walked over to him and slowly held her hand out until it barely touched his cheekbone. He looked at her quizzically. "You are really here aren't you?"

"You didn't notice that while you were pummeling me half do death? Really woman! You are going to be the death of me you know that?"

"I already was once." She said looking down at her hand. The burn scars on her left hand still vivid in the shape of his own.

"Yeah well, didn't last long did it? And now I am back so tell me then, do you love me or not because frankly I am tired of waiting for it." He said with a cocky grin.

"You look like you already know the answer to that question." She said stepping into his embrace.

"I still need to hear it luv." He said leaning down closer to her, almost a kiss.

"I love you." She said smiling and closed the distance between them.

"Ehherm." A voiced cleared at the bottom of the stairwell. They both turned to look and saw Carlisle standing there looking a bit warn.

"At least I will not have to patch any one up after this." He said smiling. The two went back to kissing and then kissing turned to petting and they landed on the floor of the lobby. "Well, I hope not anyway." He added feeling a bit uncomfortable at the scene before him. Just then Esme came down and stared at the scene before her. Carlisle turned to her and put his arm around her saying, "Lets just go back to our room yes?"

"Yes." Esme replying leaning against her husband as they ascended the stairs.

**A/N: Hey everyone thanks for reading our story, sadly this story is coming to an end. The next chapter should be the final one and conclude with complete closure.**


	14. GoodByes

Disclaimer: Thanks to the amazing creators of Twilight/Buffy/and Angel.

"NOOO!" Edward shouted as he entered the suite. Bella came out running grabbing him by the shoulders and staring him in the eyes.

"Edward, will you please calm down. Renesmee is scared enough as is. You don't need to scare her even more."

Edward embraced Bella, leaned in towards her hair breathing in deeply taking in his wife's sent. Having Bella close always calmed him down quickly, better than pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry Bella. It's just I'm not ready for her to grow up. I haven't had enough time to get used to the fact that it was bound to happen. I'm not ready to give Renesmee to _Him_." Edward whispered so quietly that only she could hear him.

Bella snorted at him, "I'm in the same boat with you. You know, I still picture her as the baby who happened to look like a two month old. How do you think Charlie felt?"

"That's different. _I_ was _trustworthy_. _I _wasn't _trying to seduce_ _you,_ Love." Edward said pointing to himself. "_Jacob Black _was the one trying to seduce _you_. What do you think _he's_ going to do with _MY _Nessie? It's not fair, I haven't had enough time."

"We were never supposed to have her. Anytime with Renesmee is a blessing." At that Edward tilt his head and looked down at the floor, having felt some remorse over his reaction.

"I know you're right. But, I just don't want you to be." Edward said in apology.

"I'm going to go and put Renesmee to bed. When I come back we'll talk some more and set up reasonable ground rules for Jacob."

"I would really like to do it. It might be the last time, I get to."

"You are so melodramatic." Bella sighed.

"It must be a vampire thing." He said with a forced smirk.

Jasper came in knocking on the open door, "Alice sent me. She said you might need…me."

"No, _I'm_ fine. Edward, however, might indeed. He's having a hard time." Bella answered. "He's putting Renesmee to bed, right now. But you're welcome to stay."

"I might as well stay. I'm in the dog house, as it is."

"What did you do?"

"What _didn't _I do." Jasper responded with a smirk.

"I wish I could help you. To bad your powers won't work on yourself."

"These _California_ vampires though." Jasper shakes his head reflecting on their night. "Spike sure is a piece of work. I thought Edward and me had it bad over you and Alice. This guy though. He takes devotion to another level. I have never felt anything quite so…intense from another vampire. I'm actually tired from it."

She laughed, "He seemed kinda shallow to me. Kind of a jerk. You think he is more than that?" She tried to use the conversation to distract him from his own troubles.

"Bella. This guy is all talk. He is tough. Don't get me wrong. But he is the deepest guys in terms of emotions I've found. Spike is anything but shallow. Crazy yes, but shallow no." He said with a snicker.

"What did you guys do all night?" Bella was getting curious.

"We played poker with a bunch of demons for kittens and bills. Someone even threw in a pink for a Mercedes. It got a little crazy." He was getting that glint in his eye he got whenever he was about to mess with Emmett.

"Who threw in a pink? One of you?" She asked worriedly.

"Of course not. Do you really think we could loose with a mind reader on our side? Your Edward got crazy too. A little less reserved when he has some liquor in him." He was full on laughing now. That is until Edward walked in. In tears.

"Edward, what's wrong? You're more of an emotional mess than when we left. I don't know what to do with you." Jasper said with an air of lightness.

Edward looked at him with warning. "Jasper don't jest. This is about my daughter. I'm…I'm just…I don't know…" He sighed not knowing how to word his feelings. And not wanting to give up his pride either.

"You know your pride was shot when you came back in crying right?" Jasper said with a sad smile.

Edward sighed. "I'm afraid of loosing her. I'm afraid of loosing to Jacob. I'm afraid of him taking my place. I'm just afraid." Bella placed her hand on her husband's shoulder blade.

"Edward, can I help you? Will you let me help you calm down tonight?" Jasper asked out of politeness.

"Actually Jasper, tonight I will pass. I think this is important for me to go through. I think I will just call someone who may actually know how I am feeling through personal experience. No offense intended Jasper." He smiled weakly.

"None taken. I will just wander the halls awhile before I go back to our room." At that Jasper left the room and Edward stepped out to make his phone call. Bella was left to her own thoughts in the room.

"Oh Jake. I hope you are ready for what is coming your way." She said into the empty air in the room.

Angel waited in his office for the Cullens to come down for their final appointment. He had tracked down everything he needed and done al of the worked that needed to be done up until that point. The clock said he was early. Fifteen minutes so, but he didn't want to assume anything about these vampires. They had only been there for a few days and they already acted like they lived there. Everyone in building complained about them being loud and out of control during the night. He wasn't sure what he would be faced with this morning.

" 'Ello peaches!" Came an enthusiastic Spike from the doorway.

"I have a meeting that I don't want you to bother me during, so if you would just go away." Angel sneered at him.

"No you don't mate. You've got fifteen minutes before they will be here. Just wanted to tell you that everything worked itself out last night and the slayer would like to have some words with you. But before she does, I got a few things to say myself. Firstly, I know you don't like me. I know it was Dru's idea to change me. I know I never fit in with your plans, but even still, you were like a mentor to me. Before and after the soul thing. Secondly, I know you still love her and I know you don't think I'm good enough for her but I swear to you, If I ever hurt her again I will let you run me straight through with something sharp and wooden with a smile on your face whilst you both drive off into the sunset. And lastly, I enjoy being here with you. This job, what we do and even how we work together. It would mean a lot to me if you would keep us on the team. If it is too hard for you I understand, but if you could try, it really would mean the world to me." Spikes long winded speech ended less confident than it started.

"Spike. I'll be honest with you. I love her, I do. But if it was between her and Cordelia, I would choose Cordy without a second thought. And of course you can stay. Who else am I going to use as bait?" Angel smiled and then added, "Now get out because they are coming. This is business." With that Spike left the office to go meet back up with Buffy.

Carlisle led the gang into the office and the long drawn out process began. After about twenty million bored moments and more than that many Emmett spacing out moments the paperwork was done and Renesmee was officially the child of Bella and Edward by the world's standards. As they shook hands one last time and headed out Alice and Jasper stayed back.

"Angel." Alice's voice caught his attention up from his desk.

"Yes Alice?" He was genuinely curious as to what the young vampire had to say.

"You did the right thing. We know you miss her. We know you still want her. But …" Jasper interrupted her

"We also know he loves and needs her much more than you do. You have your soul mate and now he has his. And Buffy loves him more than she has ever loved another." Jasper looked at Alice warmly.

"And you will find your love again. I promise. I've seen it." Alice added with a smile. And then they turned to walk out. Angel's voice stopped them.

"How do you know all this for sure?" He had one lone tear hovering from his right eye.

"It is what we do." They answered in unison as Alice took her husband's hand and led him out to the exit.

Carlisle was loading all of the luggage into the various cars as everyone was standng around the curb chatting. Edward was shooting daggers with his eyes at Jacob who was sending the goo goo eyes at Nessie.

"Edward, why don't you go help your father load the luggage?" Esme hinted at him. He did as asked. Esme was not to be crossed. Bella laughed and decided that Jake would ride home with them so that they could tell him those ground rules. Spike and Buffy came out to say goodbye. Buffy hugged everyone except Rosalie who still didn't like the way Emmett had looked at her. Spike and Edward hugged and exchanged numbers. Jasper and Emmett man hugged him and then told him to stop by next time he was up north. Then Emmett made some weird comment and the whole group was laughing. Angel came out and watched from a difference before going over and sayng his goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme.

"It was nice seeing you again Liam. Don't make it so long nest time." Carlisle said holding out his hand to shake. Angel took it and then pulled him into a hug. An uncomfortable one on Carlisle's end. They all loaded into the cars and Angel, Spike, and Buffy stood on the curve to wave goodbye. Spike laughed and yelled out, "Live long and prosper!" while laughing and holding up his five fingers in the formal Vulcan greeting. Angel hit him hard on the back of the head and Buffy laughed.

"What? They were like aliens to me. Weird vampire the lot of them!"

They all laughed and went back inside Wolfram and Hart ready for another day of work.

THE END


	15. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: We give our thanks out to Twilights and Buffy/Angels creator. Sadly this story is over. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed writing it. Keep a look out for One-shots pertaining this story. Finally, please leave us a review. Even if it points out any mistakes we might have missed.**_

* * *

**Epilogue**

Renesmee's sat at the kitchen counter eating a breakfast of O positive and Rice Krispies, with her ear to the bowl. Jasper entered the kitchen with look of disgust on his face.

"Young Lady," Jasper said quietly with a pause, "What_ are_ you doing?"

"Having my breakfast."

"But, what is it?" Jasper continued with look of mixed curiosity and disgust.

"Oh, it's just some Rice Krispies."

"Yes, but why do I smell blood too?"

"Because I mixed it."

"Okay. Why?" Jasper asked. "Where did you get the blood, by the way?"

Edward, as he walked down the stairs, answered before Nessie could. "She stole it."

Jasper looked back and forth between Edward and his niece. "I'm not getting into the middle of that one. But call me if you need me." Leaving the kitchen to join Emmett. "I'm going to see if Emmett wants to hunt."

Edward turned to Renesmee's asking, "Why are you doing that?"

"Because it's fun." Edward leaned his head hearing the real reason in her thoughts, _Because I saw Spike doing so. And I thought I'd try it and see if it really was good. _ Edward pinched his nose at his daughter's response, mumbling under his breath "I should have seen it coming.

Renesmee interrupted her Dad's bitter thoughts on his daughter's choice of role models, "Dad, You got to hear this!"

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!"

Alice came down stairs yelling, "Stop arguing already! You're going to do it, Edward. I know, I've seen it."

He turned to Alice with a quickness only he could master. "What if I decided _not_ to?"

"You change your mind after more whining from Nessie." And, skipped out the room with a cheerful breeze. Edward growled low at her retreating back.

Edward snapped at Renesmee, "Fine! I'll listen to your _cereal._" He said as though the word cereal tasted like dirt in his mouth before turning back to Renesmee to listen to her bowl of 'Rice Krispies'.

Rosalie entered the kitchen upset that they are yelling. "Edward. Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not _angry_." He hissed at her.

"I heard you all the way upstairs. You were yelling." Rosalie stated matter-of-factly.

"I hear can people in their cars driving on the freeway. It doesn't mean they're yelling."

"Then, why are you so grumpy." She asked crossing her arms, knowing she had won.

"I'm not looking towards this damn _family _meeting." He replied sarcastically.

"Me neither." Rosalie's turned to her niece, "As, for you I'm not happy with you choice of roles models. First, the mutt! Now, that…that…Spike!"

Renesmee shrugged, "I think they're cool."

Rosalie tapped her on the shoulder, "That's what I worry about."

Edward ignored Rosalie, and returned to his previous concern. "Renesmee, I'm glad your eating human food. But, to mix it with human blood that you stole from your grandfather defeats the purpose. Which you know better."

"Isn't that's what it's there for?"

Edward brushed his hair back with his hand and replied, "Yes. For emergency purpose only, that's why it is called an emergency supply." Paused and started growling, "Great, Jakes here."

"Wait. How can you tell? Do you smell him?" Renesmee responded excitedly.

"No. I just heard his chipper thoughts." Edward grabbed Nessie's hand, still clutching her bowl of half eaten breakfast; and led her into the dining room where the meeting was to start.

Carlisle looked towards the two of them thinking, _Why do I smell human blood?_ Edward answered shortly, "You don't want to know."

Jake leaned into Nessie's bowl investigating, "That's smells gross. But, It's kind of a cool ideal though." She smiled back at Jake beaming, while Edward growled being disgusted and looked to Carlisle.

Carlisle simply shrugged to Edward thinking, _"You were the same way with your Bella."_

Edward dropped his head to the table then wishing he didn't have the ability to hear thoughts. He picks up the rest of Renesmee and Jacob's conversation.

"You know what you should try Nessie?" Jacobs goaded her excitedly.

"What Jake?" Renesmee asked him eagerly.

"Try making muffins with blood instead of milk or whatever you put into muffins. I don't know, I don't cook." He said laughing at his own absurdity.

Edward groaned hearing Jacob encourage his daughter's strange behavior. "You may consume human food Renesmee, or you may consume blood. Animal blood. You may not mix them."

"But Dad! I'm human and vampire so it only makes sense to mix them. I'm a mix so why not eat a mix." Renesmee seemed to grow a teenage attitude over night. Complete with talking back to her father. Edward started to respond but was cut of by Esme's soothing voice.

"She does have a point Edward. And we could try these new 'recipes' that her and Jacob come up with. We would use animal blood of course." She added pointedly at Renesmee.

"Ok guys. This is not what we are here to discuss." Bella announced to the family. "We are here because, as you all know, Renesmee is coming of age and this will undeniably lead to a more concrete relationship between her and Jacob."

"Mom!" Renesmee yelled embarrassed.

"Nessie." Jacob warned her, "This is important and you should let your Mother continue. You don't need to be embarrassed. Your family supports and loves you." He said smiling at her.

"Jacob." Edward growled warningly at him. "Don't rush her."

"We are _here_," Bella continued, "To lay down some ground rules for the two of them to abide by to keep them at a healthy pace as well as make the rest of us comfortable." She smiled at the group.

But of course Emmett had to give his two cents. "Right. Because you and my brother here took a real healthy pace didn't you?" He said laughing at his own joke.

Edward glared at him and stated, "This is not about Bella and I. We were both consenting adults."

"You were anyway." Emmett jabbed.

Feeling the growing tension in the room, Jasper butted in. "I think we need to calm down a little and maybe take turns talking. Thing are getting a little out of hand. With everyone here."

"Fine. You can't touch her until you are married. And you can't marry her until_** I**_ say so." Edward decided he would lay down the first rule.

"What?" Renesmee and Jacob both shouted at the same time. Renesmee blushed of course, ever so much reminding Edward of Bella. Which did not ease his worries one bit. Carlisle laughed at the outburst from the two. The whole table glared at him.

"My apologies. I believe that this is just as absurd a request as you two do. However I do see the importance of it. I believe that it would be a good compromise and appropriate boundary if it were to be said that the two of you were not to consummate your relationship until marriage and that in a similar spirit you take things slowly." Carlisle said trying to keep a straight face.

"Grandfather!" Renesmee was getting more and more embarrassed by the moment.

"I think that we should add that Jake can't think naughty thoughts about Nessie while within a twenty mile radius, possibly bigger, of Edward here. For his own safety of course." Emmett smiled at Edward.

"It would help my sanity." Edward added, regrettably agreeing with Emmett.

"Ok. Listen." Jacob demanded, taking the floor. "I know you guys are all freaking out here but seriously. I'm not going around coming up with ways to get into Nessie pants!" He looked to Renesmee and winced at her expression. "Sorry Nessie." Then looked at Edward to catch him growl and hiss at him. "I mean it man. I love her. I need her. But it is more than that. I'm not some teenage kid who just thinks about mating twenty four seven. I'm not going to dishonor your family or your daughter. She means way too much to me. Plus, we have customs too you know. Not that any of you bloodsuckers have even been polite enough to ask." He finished a little angrier than he started. Bella glared at him for the racist remark but remained in silent agreement.

Emmett laughed before adding, "He he he…doggie style…" All eyes turned to him as Rosalie wide eyed slapped him hard across his face. Then he turned to the family, sporting a brand new crack on his left cheek, and apologized.

Jasper moved with almost unseen speed to wrap his arms around Edward to prevent him from jumping across the table at Jacob shouting, "If you ever think about touching my daughter that way I'll…!" And the whole room fell into a deep calm.

"I think we need to take a minute to cool down." Jasper said to the whole family. "Things are getting rough, we need to remember that we are a family. We support each other Emmett."

"Edward. Bella, You know me. I'm not trying to disrespect anybody. Edward, I would like your permission to _court_ you daughter. I'm not asking to _date_ her or _mate_ with her. I'm just asking to court her with the intention of marrying her when _she's_ ready."

"Jacob, that is surprisingly mature of you. " Carlisle turned to Edward, "Wouldn't you say so, Edward"

Bella became very quiet in order to drop her shield, communicating silently to her husband. _Don't you remember calling Jacob your son while we were in the clearing My Love? _ Bella then proceeded to kiss Edward on the lips. Edward smiled adoringly at Bella, then blinked his eyes a few times, and frowned at her.

"Bella, dear. Did you just attempt to dazzle me?"

"Did I succeed?"

"Yes. But, then again you always have love." Edward smiled lovingly at his wife.

"Yuck! Dad." Renesmee groaned dropping her head on the dining table with a thud. Which in turn made everyone giggle and Jasper smirk like Clark Gable in 'Gone with the Wind'.

"Well, Jacob. Looks like we won't be having any problems with you and Miss Renesmee any time soon." Jasper stared pointedly at Jacob.

"Ooh. Burn!" Emmett shouted, pointing at Jacob.

"Whatever. " Jacob replied, "I agree with Emmett on one point though. I agree not to think certain thoughts regarding Renesmee, anywhere near Edward's hearing range."

"Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate your respect and understanding." Edward replied gentlemanly.

"So, who wants to play Trivial Pursuit?" Alice announced to the whole table.

"No way! You leeches always win!" Jake responded in jest.


End file.
